A year to the day has passed since I left Indiana for India and my life has changed in ways I could not have imagined. I have allowed the experiences to transform me - to penetrate my being and my soul; this has not been an adventure for the faint of heart. Although I have gained much, I have also lost much.
A wise mentor once said to me on another topic that some people die knowing, some people die wondering and some people die never having even thought about it. I'm the kind of gal who has to know...I could ponder forever the why's but that would only take me out of the present moment of living.
Ignorance may be bliss; ignorance may also mask situations, emotions, desires, fears, etc that we aren't prepared or comfortable to face. Being in India allowed me the space to experience my ignorance. I didn't have my familiar distractions to immerse myself in. A more still and present me arose as I was completely out of my usual comfort zone. Little to nothing of my life in rural India was familiar to me...thus freeing me from self-limited defeating thoughts and behaviors; not a hundred percent of the time of course as I still took me with me!
My 6-month stay was truncated about 1/2 way in by my willingness to interrupt my course and be with my 20-something year old son as his father's life deteriorated. I returned to the States, Florida specifically, intending to be of comfort to my son and reconnect with my partner who had hesitantly supported my journey inward and outward to India. I was by my son's side a month later when his 47 year old father took his final breath in this life.
Back to those losses...unveiling ignorance combined with "if not now, then when" thinking and action is not comfortable and many of the people I had been surrounding myself with needed me to operate under the old set of assumptions. It could all no longer hold together and the partner and people that I thought would join with me and stay by my side have made their own choices.
I have ended up staying in Florida - shocked and amazed at how I slowly relocated. It wasn't really a plan as much as it was responding to the moments as they were occurring. I live in a geographic area that is quite similar to Tamil Nadu, India where I had rented my own apartment so I could get a sense of daily life versus hotel living.
It's been an amazing year - a tough year and certainly a year that I could never have predicted. My caution would be to remember that as you embrace life, live your dreams and cherish each moment, other people will judge you, resent you, not understand you and might leave you. But do it anyway because there will be room for new people who share your way of life and philosophies as well. And you will die knowing.
Namaste,
Tracy
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Landscape
The first photo is the view behind the hotel of my window in the early morning with the mist. This tree is often filled with these white birds (ibis?) that wake me daily around 6. It's better than roosters and alarm clocks.
The next photo is of a nearby temple that is also within view of my hotel. I have visited this temple and participated in the rituals. Although I don't understand anything I take comfort in knowing these practices have been performed for millions for thousands of years. And the chanting of the religious man (not the priest himself) is very soothing. Spiritually nourishing for the soul without the understanding of the mind....
The third photo is a view from the same temple. And looks like another view I've experienced from Washington County, Indiana. All the same chemistry.
More photos next week.
Namaste,
Tracy
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
ASSCOD (& photos)
The last few weeks have left me busy settling into my new life. I am working in an organization in southern India that is all about empowering women and thus their families. Before I describe anything let me just say that it is a very humble place with equally humble people. The main office is on the 2d floor and the portion of the office that I'm in has a thatched roof. I used to think thatched roofs were the greatest but I have had "God's little creatures" as they're referred to around here a little closer to my flesh than I like (big worm like thing crawling on my neck, some big flying grasshopper like thing on the sole of my bare foot, we leave our sandals at the door). These incidents were over within moments but they certainly leave an impact. So I have visions of crawling things landing on the warm flesh of hut tenants in the middle of the night. Not quite the romantic vision I used to have...
The women in the villages have greeted me with beautiful smiles and curiosity and generosity. And their gifts of sweets, drink, fruit, bangles, bindis, flowers in my hair, and once a sari. I tried to refuse the sari...and when she saw how overwhelmed I was she hugged me hugely. This was such a wonderful surprise - she was as swept up with emotion as was I. A great reminder that language is not as critical as we think.
The women this organization works with are members of Self-Help Groups and live in rural villages. In a nutshell, they trust each other and share intimate financial details and save money together. With this money, they make loans to each other. Many start their own businesses, around here called income generating activities. The bottom photo is of me buying a sari from a self help group member. She goes to Pondicherry and buys saris wholesale and then sells them to women in her village for a profit. How could I not support this?! We both laughed when we realized we're the same age.
The top photo is with my new co-workers from the Vandavasi field office. They kindly put me together, including Amudha taking pieces from her own hair for mine to make sure I looked like a traditional Indian woman. We laughed and giggled as the 3 of them dressed me and combed my hair. You would never have guessed that we met only hours before...truly, we are all connected and these are my long lost cousins. They loved that I was participating in their culture as much as I loved that they were helping me.
The middle photo highlights a micro enterprise. They are paid training opportunities but unfortunately these women have been laid off from the Vandavasi Spice Unit and are not learning production and sales. The organization is restarting this in their new location. The old building's electrical system couldn't support the other equipment and things were damaged. But hopefully these ladies will be employed again soon.
This is part of what I'm doing here...trying to help promote their cause and gain financial support. Don't worry, you'll hear more about that later.
Thanksgiving is around the corner and as much as I'll miss family and friends, I feel grateful to be here. I'm learning that a number of things that I considered standard are really creature comforts that make us more comfortable. Like water (no hot) in my room and a bed (uncomfortable as it is).
Holding all of you in my thoughts and appreciating your care and emails.
Namaste,
Tracy
Friday, October 19, 2007
Calling
I'm here today in the NGO office that I am now officially with and grateful that things have worked out the way they have. I will write more on this later but for today wanted to share a reading I came across in The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.
Our Sense of Calling
Every year, around the scalp of the planet, the caribou run the same path of migration along the edge of the Arctic Circle. They are born with some innate sense that calls them to this path. And every year, along the way, packs of coyote wait to feed on the caribou. And every year, despite the danger, the caribou return and make their way.
Often nature makes difficult things very clear. What feels like confusion is frequently our human refusal to ssee things for what they are. What lesson do the caribou shout to us with the thunder of their hooves as they deepen the crown of the planet? They are evidence, even as we speak, of the fact that in every living thing there is an inner necessity that outweighs all consequence. For the caribou it is clear what it is.
For spirits cried in human form, it is a blessing and a curse that we don’t always know our calling. Part of our migration is the fining out. What is it we are called to, beneath all formal ambition? The caribou tell us that, though there are risks and dangers that wait in the world, we truly have no choice but to live out what we are born with, to find and work our path.
These elegant animals bespeak a force deeper than courage, and, though some would call the caribou stupid, the mystery of their migration reveals to us the quiet, irrepressible emergence of living over hiding, of being over thinking, of participating over observing, of thriving over surviving.
In regions near the Arctic, the caribou are not just seen as animals living out an instinct at all cost. Rather, it is believed that their endless run, no matter what stands in their way, is what keeps the Earth turning. And somewhere, beneath all hesitation and despair, it is our endless call to being, in each of us together, that keeps the fire at the center of the Earth burning.
Sit quietly and ask yourself what you are called to. If you don’t have a sense of inner calling, please read on anyway.
Describe what arises without any conclusion. If you feel called to sing, do not conclude you need to become a singer. If you feel called to paint, do not conclude you need to become a painter. If you feel called to plant, do not conclude you need to become a gardener.
Stay with the essence of what arises. Receive it as an energy that lives inside you and not as a goal you have to achieve.
Our Sense of Calling
Every year, around the scalp of the planet, the caribou run the same path of migration along the edge of the Arctic Circle. They are born with some innate sense that calls them to this path. And every year, along the way, packs of coyote wait to feed on the caribou. And every year, despite the danger, the caribou return and make their way.
Often nature makes difficult things very clear. What feels like confusion is frequently our human refusal to ssee things for what they are. What lesson do the caribou shout to us with the thunder of their hooves as they deepen the crown of the planet? They are evidence, even as we speak, of the fact that in every living thing there is an inner necessity that outweighs all consequence. For the caribou it is clear what it is.
For spirits cried in human form, it is a blessing and a curse that we don’t always know our calling. Part of our migration is the fining out. What is it we are called to, beneath all formal ambition? The caribou tell us that, though there are risks and dangers that wait in the world, we truly have no choice but to live out what we are born with, to find and work our path.
These elegant animals bespeak a force deeper than courage, and, though some would call the caribou stupid, the mystery of their migration reveals to us the quiet, irrepressible emergence of living over hiding, of being over thinking, of participating over observing, of thriving over surviving.
In regions near the Arctic, the caribou are not just seen as animals living out an instinct at all cost. Rather, it is believed that their endless run, no matter what stands in their way, is what keeps the Earth turning. And somewhere, beneath all hesitation and despair, it is our endless call to being, in each of us together, that keeps the fire at the center of the Earth burning.
Sit quietly and ask yourself what you are called to. If you don’t have a sense of inner calling, please read on anyway.
Describe what arises without any conclusion. If you feel called to sing, do not conclude you need to become a singer. If you feel called to paint, do not conclude you need to become a painter. If you feel called to plant, do not conclude you need to become a gardener.
Stay with the essence of what arises. Receive it as an energy that lives inside you and not as a goal you have to achieve.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Going South
Things haven't gone as planned and I now find myself in Tamil Nadu in the beachside community of Mahabalipuram, since renamed Mamallapuram. I learned how to say this during my 30 hour train ride over 1200 + miles.
A wonderful Indian family took pity on me as they could clearly see that I was a human being in need, according to Chandran. It was 1 am when out train pulled into Chennai and I did not have a hotel reserved. Both husband and wife (Chandran and Ani) are teachers at government run schools and they have a 4 year old son, Neehaar. He and I became pals on the train and I went home with them and stayed for 3 days. Their generosity and kindness did not stop there as they introduced me to many of their teacher friends who introduced me to some of their friends as they are trying to help me find another NGO to work with.
I slept in their bed, ate their food, used their facilities and felt like a member of the family. When I left, I tried to give them $100 towards their future US trip but they refused. They just reiterated that I was a human in need. The irony is that I came to help not be helped but these people and their friends and neighbors have shown me another side of India that I could not have experienced otherwise. The seeds are planted for a life-long friendship. They were most impressed with my camera so that is a future gift.
The cross country scenery changes from desert and dust to lush green is breathtaking. The pace in this area is more relaxed and I like it here so much that I'm staying another week in the guest house. I have connected with several small NGOs and believe things will come together soon.
I am still struggling to post photos so if anyone has suggestions, please advise.
Tracy
A wonderful Indian family took pity on me as they could clearly see that I was a human being in need, according to Chandran. It was 1 am when out train pulled into Chennai and I did not have a hotel reserved. Both husband and wife (Chandran and Ani) are teachers at government run schools and they have a 4 year old son, Neehaar. He and I became pals on the train and I went home with them and stayed for 3 days. Their generosity and kindness did not stop there as they introduced me to many of their teacher friends who introduced me to some of their friends as they are trying to help me find another NGO to work with.
I slept in their bed, ate their food, used their facilities and felt like a member of the family. When I left, I tried to give them $100 towards their future US trip but they refused. They just reiterated that I was a human in need. The irony is that I came to help not be helped but these people and their friends and neighbors have shown me another side of India that I could not have experienced otherwise. The seeds are planted for a life-long friendship. They were most impressed with my camera so that is a future gift.
The cross country scenery changes from desert and dust to lush green is breathtaking. The pace in this area is more relaxed and I like it here so much that I'm staying another week in the guest house. I have connected with several small NGOs and believe things will come together soon.
I am still struggling to post photos so if anyone has suggestions, please advise.
Tracy
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Arrival
The days are a bit of a blur since arriving in my new temporary home. I was only in Delhi about 12 hours but I did notice a few things. Aside from the driving, which seems to be without order especially with the cab driver, I would say it is much like many big cities where workers are more aggressive in getting your business and your tip and of course, overcharging. My first appreciation for kindness was the hotel owner the morning of my check-out who sympathized with how much I was overcharged for my harrowing taxi ride (500 Rs after I refused to pay 1200 Rs) and made certain I received an appropriate rate for my return to the airport (200 Rs).
FYI - approx. 35 - 39 Rupees to the US dollar.
My volunteer contact greeted me at the airport in Jaipur and again I was shocked by the driving. Let me first say that I haven't seen any accidents only one area of probable windshield evidence. The drivers are cars, buses, motorcycles, scooters, bikes, bike pulled rickshaws and auto pulled rickshaws and the occasional wagon pulled by animal (mostly oxen some donkeys and one camel so far). And the horns are non-stop and weaving is the norm. Oh and the lanes as we know them are non-existent.
Disorienting and surreal describes how I felt the first few days, exacerbated by jet lag. But yesterday, I fell in love with this city and last night sealed the deal as I rode on the back of a motorcycle through the old "Pink City" . Enchanting, magical...indescribable.
Thursday: Acclimating and Errands. Walking from my westernized hotel Royal Orchid, to the cyber cafe; the bank with quite a focus on security to exchange US money requiring my passport info and local and permanent addresses; 2d trip to cell phone shop to bring copy of passport; optician shop to converse regarding my stay in India and NGOs (he translated at the phone shop); bike rickshaw to the University of Rajasthan where I met some wonderful psychology students and then 2 of them accompanied me to the nearby beautiful Bilra temple and then back to "my" cyber cafe where I helped them set up a yahoo account and showed them a local university. They dream of studying in America; dinner with my guide.
And then my motorcycle guide for the evening invited me to his home to meet his wife, mother and brothers and their children. Another gratifying experience. An extended muslim family sharing a very modest 3 room home. I think they don't often have caucasian english speaking americans in their home as the children could not take their eyes from me. It was mutual adoration as smiles and giggles and hugs and laps are universal and words are immaterial.
And then I followed my rider to his honda motorcycle where on this Friday night I felt that I'd been transferred to a different time as we rode through the Pink City. Magical is the only word and soon I hope to post pictures .
More soon,
Tracy
FYI - approx. 35 - 39 Rupees to the US dollar.
My volunteer contact greeted me at the airport in Jaipur and again I was shocked by the driving. Let me first say that I haven't seen any accidents only one area of probable windshield evidence. The drivers are cars, buses, motorcycles, scooters, bikes, bike pulled rickshaws and auto pulled rickshaws and the occasional wagon pulled by animal (mostly oxen some donkeys and one camel so far). And the horns are non-stop and weaving is the norm. Oh and the lanes as we know them are non-existent.
Disorienting and surreal describes how I felt the first few days, exacerbated by jet lag. But yesterday, I fell in love with this city and last night sealed the deal as I rode on the back of a motorcycle through the old "Pink City" . Enchanting, magical...indescribable.
Thursday: Acclimating and Errands. Walking from my westernized hotel Royal Orchid, to the cyber cafe; the bank with quite a focus on security to exchange US money requiring my passport info and local and permanent addresses; 2d trip to cell phone shop to bring copy of passport; optician shop to converse regarding my stay in India and NGOs (he translated at the phone shop); bike rickshaw to the University of Rajasthan where I met some wonderful psychology students and then 2 of them accompanied me to the nearby beautiful Bilra temple and then back to "my" cyber cafe where I helped them set up a yahoo account and showed them a local university. They dream of studying in America; dinner with my guide.
And then my motorcycle guide for the evening invited me to his home to meet his wife, mother and brothers and their children. Another gratifying experience. An extended muslim family sharing a very modest 3 room home. I think they don't often have caucasian english speaking americans in their home as the children could not take their eyes from me. It was mutual adoration as smiles and giggles and hugs and laps are universal and words are immaterial.
And then I followed my rider to his honda motorcycle where on this Friday night I felt that I'd been transferred to a different time as we rode through the Pink City. Magical is the only word and soon I hope to post pictures .
More soon,
Tracy
Monday, September 17, 2007
Why India - Why Now?
Many people have asked me why I'm going to India and why now. The short answer is because I finally realized that if not now , then when? The paradox is that there is never going to be a perfect time and that now is the absolute perfect time. Once I "discovered" this, I began making plans to go abroad to be a working volunteer in a developing country.
I've had an interest in missionary type work since I was a young girl when more than 30 years ago in parochial school visiting missionaries spoke about their experiences in Africa. From that moment on, I knew I wanted a life that included adventure, travel and living abroad. I had the chance to live abroad in the 80s in what was then known as West Germany for 3 1/2 years; but this only heightened my desire to live and work in a developing country. In 2004, the beast within was once again satiated when I had the opportunity to visit Belize and Guatemala and met Mayan families who lived in huts with dirt floors and men who labored in the jungle cutting trees with machetes. I have thought of these people frequently and for those of you who feel that we are all connected and have desires to meet others in our human family, then you understand that I felt that I was meeting distant cousins and there are so many others to connect with.
Because of the missionaries sharing of their trip to Africa and my young age, the idea of Africa left quite an impression. For years, I explored opportunities to go to Africa but for various and sundry reasons, it just never worked out. Instead, I had the next best thing: I met and befriended many people from various African countries. It was a way to experience Africa second hand. I will go to Africa someday but now India.
India has appeared on the scene of my consciousness quite slowly, almost languidly. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be going to India for a 6-month volunteer stint, I would not have believed you.
India intrigues me for several reasons. I must admit that I am smitten with the idea of being so close to the Himalayas - so close to convergent plate tectonics and activity that still occurs and creates mountain growth (2.4in/6.1 cm per year) when many other mountains are shrinking in part because of human activity (and sometimes lack of) - sends shivers down this Midwestern girl's spine. To have an opportunity to meet with distant relatives and understand their view of this beauty is intriguing to me. Do they appreciate this natural wonder? Or is it so familiar that they take it for granted?
I worked with some high school kids earlier this year and we read articles on how the treatment of girls in India (from fetus through childhood) was impacting their culture today. Some suggestion that because of the preference for male children and the practice of female infanticide, there are now not enough available women for men to marry and this is creating unforeseen social problems. I wonder how this is impacting the rural community that I will be living in? Or is it? I hope as an outsider locals will be willing to share their views with me. I think I go with an open mind but we'll see.
It seems that many IT jobs are being outsourced and India is one of the countries that are responding to Americans needs via 800-help desks. Is it just because of labor shortage here in the US? Is it because children in India are being better educated? I'm looking forward to learning from the young people I'll be working with and on behalf of. They are children that have been liberated from child labor and are now being rehabilitated.
This is not a topic most of us think about easily. We are in a consumer culture and how much of what we purchase is made by little hands. I didn't plan to work in an orphanage. If you read the attached link (Volunteering in India - Volunteering in India from around the world), you'll see why I first thought I would be working with an environmental organization and people. I think the environment is in need but I think we have to find ways for people to live so that both are cared for and neither comprised. Oh I do sound rather naive don't I?
I'm going to Jaipur, Rajasthan and from there to Virat Nagar to work at Bal Ashram. I found an amazing photo that you can check out at http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kunwar.netfirms.com/images/bal-small.jpg&imgrefurl=http://kunwar.netfirms.com/photo.html&h=69&w=90&sz=3&hl=en&start=12&sig2=sbx1ehMtCuKe1kBlcpiO6g&tbnid=ggHKBU4aAPYH6M:&tbnh=60&tbnw=78&ei=tirvRsGMNpWujAHlo4C2Cg&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dvirat%2Bnagar%26gbv%3D2%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX
I'll be departing on September 24 instead of the originally planned September 6. Delays as a result of anxiety that I wasn't going to receive my visa in time due staff turnover at the Consulate's office. I'll write again after I've begun to settle in.
'Til then, I'll be wondering what you've been dreaming of and why you haven't made time for it. Or, what dream did you have and act on.
Namaste,
Tracy
I've had an interest in missionary type work since I was a young girl when more than 30 years ago in parochial school visiting missionaries spoke about their experiences in Africa. From that moment on, I knew I wanted a life that included adventure, travel and living abroad. I had the chance to live abroad in the 80s in what was then known as West Germany for 3 1/2 years; but this only heightened my desire to live and work in a developing country. In 2004, the beast within was once again satiated when I had the opportunity to visit Belize and Guatemala and met Mayan families who lived in huts with dirt floors and men who labored in the jungle cutting trees with machetes. I have thought of these people frequently and for those of you who feel that we are all connected and have desires to meet others in our human family, then you understand that I felt that I was meeting distant cousins and there are so many others to connect with.
Because of the missionaries sharing of their trip to Africa and my young age, the idea of Africa left quite an impression. For years, I explored opportunities to go to Africa but for various and sundry reasons, it just never worked out. Instead, I had the next best thing: I met and befriended many people from various African countries. It was a way to experience Africa second hand. I will go to Africa someday but now India.
India has appeared on the scene of my consciousness quite slowly, almost languidly. If you had told me a few years ago that I would be going to India for a 6-month volunteer stint, I would not have believed you.
India intrigues me for several reasons. I must admit that I am smitten with the idea of being so close to the Himalayas - so close to convergent plate tectonics and activity that still occurs and creates mountain growth (2.4in/6.1 cm per year) when many other mountains are shrinking in part because of human activity (and sometimes lack of) - sends shivers down this Midwestern girl's spine. To have an opportunity to meet with distant relatives and understand their view of this beauty is intriguing to me. Do they appreciate this natural wonder? Or is it so familiar that they take it for granted?
I worked with some high school kids earlier this year and we read articles on how the treatment of girls in India (from fetus through childhood) was impacting their culture today. Some suggestion that because of the preference for male children and the practice of female infanticide, there are now not enough available women for men to marry and this is creating unforeseen social problems. I wonder how this is impacting the rural community that I will be living in? Or is it? I hope as an outsider locals will be willing to share their views with me. I think I go with an open mind but we'll see.
It seems that many IT jobs are being outsourced and India is one of the countries that are responding to Americans needs via 800-help desks. Is it just because of labor shortage here in the US? Is it because children in India are being better educated? I'm looking forward to learning from the young people I'll be working with and on behalf of. They are children that have been liberated from child labor and are now being rehabilitated.
This is not a topic most of us think about easily. We are in a consumer culture and how much of what we purchase is made by little hands. I didn't plan to work in an orphanage. If you read the attached link (Volunteering in India - Volunteering in India from around the world), you'll see why I first thought I would be working with an environmental organization and people. I think the environment is in need but I think we have to find ways for people to live so that both are cared for and neither comprised. Oh I do sound rather naive don't I?
I'm going to Jaipur, Rajasthan and from there to Virat Nagar to work at Bal Ashram. I found an amazing photo that you can check out at http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kunwar.netfirms.com/images/bal-small.jpg&imgrefurl=http://kunwar.netfirms.com/photo.html&h=69&w=90&sz=3&hl=en&start=12&sig2=sbx1ehMtCuKe1kBlcpiO6g&tbnid=ggHKBU4aAPYH6M:&tbnh=60&tbnw=78&ei=tirvRsGMNpWujAHlo4C2Cg&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dvirat%2Bnagar%26gbv%3D2%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX
I'll be departing on September 24 instead of the originally planned September 6. Delays as a result of anxiety that I wasn't going to receive my visa in time due staff turnover at the Consulate's office. I'll write again after I've begun to settle in.
'Til then, I'll be wondering what you've been dreaming of and why you haven't made time for it. Or, what dream did you have and act on.
Namaste,
Tracy
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